Thursdays, I'm a Yogi
Thursdays, I'm a yogi.Thursday mornings I manage to somehow get my three kids herded out of the house, get my little guy to preschool mostly on time, drop the smallest one off at daycare and drive 25 minutes to the neighbouring town for my weekly yoga class. The class is in the top floor of a lovely building with four big south-facing windows. When everyone is able to attend, there are maybe 8 of us. I dread the rush of getting there, but the minute I hit my mat and close my eyes to start breathing and becoming centred, the weight of the morning slides right off my shoulders and I breathe out the anxiety with a deep, long sigh. When the class is done, I feel amazing. I feel so calm, peaceful, and ready to take on the day from a place of love. Such a divine feeling.
Thursday mornings I usually don't get up quite as early as I should. I usually don't shower- just throw my hair in a messy top-knot, pull on my fave comfy yoga gear: leggings, tank, some sort of cozy wrap or shawl, and my favourite mala (usually the loving rose quartz). Some days I take clothes to change into afterwards.... but I never put them on.
Thursdays people, I am a yogi.
Mondays however, are a different Elsa. Mondays I am a business woman. I work a long day at the office, organize my week, and get stuff done. Tuesdays I am a stay at home mom. Tuesdays we do not rush out of bed (well sometimes we do to get my k student off on the bus, lol), I drink my coffee, do laundry, trip over toys all day long, feed kids, long for the time the littlest one goes down for her nap, plan a nice supper (read: all the food groups), only finish half cups of coffee, and by the time hubby gets home I am ready to scream heeeellllllppppp meeeeee!! I love Tuesdays.... but they also make me a crazy woman! I need those days though to feel connected to my home and my children and these parts of me that are my purpose for being well and being me and doing my best. Wednesdays, I am part stay at home mom, part dance mom. We've covered Thursdays. Fridays I become business woman again. Saturdays I am solely wife and mom. I try and get my shit together from the week that has just passed and try to take some time to decompress! I enjoy coffee with my hubby in the morning- that time to connect sometimes seems so rare and I look forward to it so much- and the kids run rampant while I sit in my chair a bit longer and (attempt) to read a decorating magazine and make that first, best cup of coffee last just a littttttle longer. Sundays I am LAZY. Until noon. Then I turn into the planner. I need to organize and prepare for the week ahead. Sometimes I get groceries, often I do a little meal planning, spend some time looking over my week, and do what I can to make Monday morning seem less like a Monday morning. I rarely cook Sunday nights. We generally eat SOMEWHERE...grandma's house or a restaurant. I go to bed looking forward to being Monday Elsa. And then when I wake up Monday morning, it all starts over.
What my journey so far has taught me, is that it is SO OK to be this many versions of myself. And that I NEED to be this many versions of myself. There are even MORE versions of myself- versions who like to make buns sometimes and refinish furniture and make restaurant-worthy meals and drink a bottle of wine and sew a table runner or new throw cushions for my couch and the list goes on. There was a time in my life when I didn't feel ok being all these versions of Elsa. There was a time- a long time- where I felt I needed to pick and choose what my "box" was. There was also another long time where I felt I needed to be PERFECT in all these different versions of myself- as if that's even freaking possible!!! And it's exhausting. I don't want to be Tuesday Elsa every day any more than I want to be Thursday Elsa every day. I am learning to truly appreciate this multi-faceted being that is ME!
This me only has a perfect house on the day my fan-freaking-tabulous cleaning lady comes. This me has to work EVERY DAY to not yell too much and practice (and practice and practice) being more patient with my loves. This me can't seem to kick the coffee (with cream and sugar) habit, and somewhere along the way I decided I don't really WANT to. This me is often scattered and a nowhere near grounded or focused. This me has days every month where I just cry and cry over the disappointment I feel in myself. This me also takes days every month to work back out of that disappointment and offer my gratitude for all these opportunities to be different versions of myself and to connect with so many amazing people and have so many opportunities to LOVE, BE LOVED, and MAKE A DIFFERENCE. To BE MORE and DO BETTER. And you know what? This me has soooooooooooo many days where all I can see is all the beauty and possibility. I have these days because I no longer expect myself to be versions of me that I'm just NOT. I have these days because I'm ok with the scatterbrained Elsa who is so not ok standing in the sidelines while people hurt unnecessarily. I have these days because I'm ok with the Elsa that loves her babies to the very core of her being, but still goes a little loony after a whole day at home alone with all three of them. And I ADORE the thought of all the versions of me that I haven't even discovered yet.
So.... who are you??? What boxes do you feel like you need to fit into? What boxes have you broken free of? What versions of yourself are you so damned proud of? And what versions of yourself do you need to SEE and BE DAMNED PROUD OF???? Because you know what? You rock. You do. And all those little bits of you rock too. Write that shit down. And look at it. And look at it again. And make sure it only contains words of love to yourself. And then look at it again. And then start to BELIEVE in YOU, your BEAUTY, your CHAOS, your PASSION. Believe it. And love it.
Love,
Elsa