She Did What She Could
Yesterday I was at a funeral. The pastor spoke of a verse in the bible where a woman had acted kindly towards Jesus and where the crowd had frowned upon her actions and made judgements about the “correctness” of them. Jesus’ reply to these naysayers was, “She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. Truly I tell you, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.” (Mark 14: 8-9) I was captivated by this verse and those first five words kept running through my head on repeat; “She did what she could.”
Day after day I speak to women who feel in their heart of hearts that they can never do enough, that they can never BE enough, and that whatever they’re doing is just never done quite as good as it “could” be or as it “should” be. I work hard on beating this mindset, but I’m as guilty as the rest for allowing myself to be sucked into the “not good enough” club.
So yesterday at the funeral of a woman I knew and whose family I love as part of my own, the pastor’s words hit me hard. We are not put on this earth to be some weird “perfect” version of ourselves we have created in our minds. We are not put on this earth to “do it all,” or to “be it all.” We are not meant to be the ones who volunteer for every club to prove our worth. We are not meant to be the ones who tell ourselves on the daily what a piss poor job we are doing at existing because the house is a mess, the laundry is a giant mountain, and we yelled at our kids leaving the house this morning. We are not meant to feel guilty for saying no to something because we just don’t feel like we can do one more thing. We are meant to do what we CAN.
What I can do looks different than what you can do. And the key message here is I can do what I can do, not I should do what you can do. That whole notion is where this whole situation as a woman gets out of control. We are made to be different. We are made to be connected, but not to be replicas of each other. Our differences combined with our human sameness are part of what makes life so beautiful.
I have said yes to things when I feel like I just cannot give one more ounce of myself to something or someone else. I’ve done it a lot, and I know a LOT of people who do it on the daily. What I’ve learned is that every time I choose to give more than I can, I am ripping time, energy, and love away from the things that really matter to me. Every time I commit to something I’m not passionate about or call myself down because a small village could exist off of the food on my kitchen floor, I’m telling myself that the parts of me that are awesome and amazing don’t matter. I love to cook (most of the time), I love deep dark conversations about real life shit, I love to walk outside and feel the sunshine on my face and just soak it in. I love to love people and spend time with people I love. I love to read and drink coffee and give people gifts I know they’ll love. I need periods of quiet time during my week. When I don’t allow space in my schedule for quiet and regeneration, I quickly spiral into an ugly state of despair. These things have got to be non-negotiables for me. I get angry when I allow something I’m not passionate about to fill these times reserved for regeneration. And then I feel guilty because I “should” be able to do it all and be it all to everyone. But ladies, she did what she COULD. And not only was that ENOUGH, but it just WAS. What you CAN do is what you CAN do. We do not need to constantly test our boundaries or push the limits of what we can DO or BE. When that little voice inside you says, “I really don’t want to,” THAT IS OKAY. YOU NEED TO LISTEN!!!! Yes, I’m yelling at you. But I yell out of love.
Sometimes when I reallllllly don’t want to attend an event that I’ve looked forward to because I’m so anxious about the unknowns, I push myself to go because I know I’ll have an amazing time and it will be worth it. Other times, when I don’t want to attend an event just because I’m exhausted from life and I really don’t feel like people-ing, I stay home. I read, I spend an extra few minutes snuggling my kiddos, and just acknowledge that it’s ok that today I really just don’t want to.
One of my lovely coaches once gave me some very simple advice on how to start to acknowledge and honour my feelings and myself when I am making decisions. It is so simple; does the decision at hand make you feel light or does it make you feel heavy? When you think about having to attend one more meeting, does it fire you up? Or does it fill you with dread? Feeling light= yes. Feeling heavy=no. It is such a simple practice to start really noticing when we’re being true to ourselves and when we’re not, and then making decisions accordingly.
Today loves, I want you to think about what you can do. Not how much MORE you can do, but rather what is your threshold? What do you do that just makes you happy, and what do you do to make someone ELSE happy? Are there things that are pushing your limits of what you “can” do that are making you crazy? What can you edit out of your life that’s making you crazy? And what can you add just a little bit more of that makes your heart sing?
Today I want you to read these words and BELIEVE them: You are loved and you are supported and you are doing a damn good job of life. Your version of what you need your reality to be is the only version that matters. End of story :)