Breaking Free of the Need for Instant Gratification

I write this morning from Terrace Beach in beautiful Ucluelet, BC. Our cabin is nestled in the trees along the beach. Our view is the cabins on either side of us and this little inlet and then the ocean. I hear nothing but waves and seagulls. I’m on my deck with this journal and my coffee. It is a cool, overcast morning, but it is calm. There is just the slightest wisp of a breeze off the ocean. I am wearing my favourite wool socks and my favourite bunnyhug.

It is bliss. Nothing less.

I had grand intentions of working while I was here. I was excited to nestle in with my laptop and pump out some content while I sat by the ocean.

Apparently fate had other plans though, because I forgot my ENTIRE carry-on on the dining room table. So instead I will journal and read and drink coffee and ponder life. Those are my favourite things to do anyway ;)

Every time we go on vacation, I yearn to feel the same simplicity at home. I feel the need to go home and purge. I crave the feeling of less and letting go of the hold my “stuff” has on me. Every time we return home, I DO purge. Having space and time away from my things allows me to come back with a fresh eye. It allows me to remember the freedom of having less and therefore enjoying moments more. The dishes are simple to do because there are fewer of them. The laundry is easier to take care of because there is less. It is easier to keep things tidy when everything truly does have a place and there is just less to tidy up to begin with.

I didn’t grow up with excess, but somewhere along the way I developed the belief that having more things and nicer things and better things meant feeling more confident and feeling more fulfilled and being WORTH more as a person. It represented a freedom of sorts. These feelings were my own creation. No one told me this. At the end of the day, I know now that the freedom I craved was freedom of a different kind. I know now that the confidence and belonging I was searching for were things I would only be able to find within myself.

The search for constant (instant) gratification can be a dangerous game. More and more and more pretty things can lead to less financial security, which for many is what those things or the ability to have those things truly represented anyway. The option to dine out and drink fancy drinks in beautiful places can lead to a body we don’t recognize and we forget how to love. Having all the fancy toys can turn into working our days away to be able to afford the things we buy to feel like we can have fun and never actually having the time to HAVE the fun we envisioned. Seeking “things” to make us feel a certain way is a slippery slope.

This morning we woke up lazily. I cooked us a simple breakfast and we sat together and ate. We cleaned it up together and now we have quiet to enjoy the morning. I know we both crave this quiet, and I also know I have a deeper need for this than my husband and that sometimes he really just doesn’t understand the need I have for solitude. I’m learning to understand it though, and the more I understand myself, the easier it is to give myself what I need and the easier it is to see that when I have what I need, I have more capacity to just enjoy the people around me rather than feeling reliant on them to give me something that only I can give myself.

The feelings we desire are all within us already. What have you been seeking externally?? And what can you do TODAY to feel more the way you want to feel without looking to someone or something else to provide it for you??

I’d love to hear what you come up with :)

With love,

Elsa