Your Guilt Isn't Serving You

I wrote the following blog post just shy of three years ago. As women, guilt seems to plague us if we let it. I hope reading this again inspires you to give yourself a little more grace and love today. Believe me when I say it will pay off in spades.

Guilt is not love. Repeat. This morning in the weekly yoga class I attend, we focused on twists. Twists help to stretch and compress the deep connective tissues in our bodies. Yogis believe that we hold onto negative feelings and emotions deep in this tissues, so the purpose of twisting to access these tissues is to both metaphorically and physically allow our bodies to LET GO. Breathe in loving light....breathe out all that you are holding onto that you need to let go.

Today throughout my practice, my mind kept wandering back to the words that stuck out for me during my Ash Wednesday devotional yesterday. Repentance-Hope-Mortality. I am a Christian, and a Catholic, but regardless of your belief system, these are strong and powerful words. You could replace the word "repentance" with "dissatisfaction with a way we have acted or felt". The point is, that in the process of self-discovery and the desire to do better and be better- for ourselves and for the world- we continually look at ourselves and look at what we'd like to change. On an internal level, this can look like so many different things for each person. The desire to be more at peace, more accepting, more assertive, etc. The idea of Repentance-Hope-Mortality is that we recognize our shortcomings, we have HOPE in the knowledge that we are not static beings- that we CAN be better and do better, and the we do not have to be limited by the errors of our past....that we will be FORGIVEN for our actions/thoughts/feelings and that we must move forward.

Here is where the MORTALITY comes into play. We are MORTAL beings. Our time on earth is limited. We have so much capacity to change and grow and love and spread love, but we do not have infinity to sit and wait for the "right" time to start. Our time on earth will end. Regardless of what you believe happens when our breath stops and our life on earth ceases to be, we can all recognize that our time is limited.

As I was doing my reading yesterday and then taking time to meditate on the words I'd read, these words became so strong and clear. I can recognize where my actions/ thoughts/feelings are not aligned with my core values, and I can ask and be FORGIVEN, so I can MOVE FORWARD, living this life to its greatest potential. I do not have TIME on this earth to continually re-live my mistakes or punish myself for my perceived shortcomings. I need to live TODAY for today. Living in the past wallowing in guilt and regret, or similarly, living in the future paralyzed with worry, are not PRODUCTIVE or HEALTHY ways of living. Neither one allow us to be true to our authentic selves or to serve the greater good. Both are such selfish ways of living, really. I've been in both of these places more than once in my lifetime, but only recently have I really understood that I cannot live to my fullest potential or accomplish my deepest desires while I am in either of these places in my mind.

I have moved past the extreme worry that prevented me from being able to enjoy each day, truly enjoy my family, or even to experience joy in my own life. Lately though, guilt is heavy on my mind and heart. Mom guilt. The voice of guilt that says I am failing my children and doing a piss-poor job of this whole parenting thing. I know that's not absolutely true, but I feel laden with guilt many days knowing I could have reacted better, spoken more kindly, been more understanding. I remind myself that I can always do better later/tomorrow.... but the guilt lurks.

This morning while I was twisting and consciously deciding to breathe out the negative, I chose to breathe out the guilt. To let it go. And the funniest thing happened. In that moment of breathing out the sadness and the heaviness of guilt on my heart, it became so clear to me that GUILT IS NOT LOVE. We are not put here on this earth to carry guilt. This is not what our time is for. It seems as though we hold onto guilt unnecessarily so we don't "forget" our shortcomings. WHY oh WHY do we (I!!) think we need to remind ourselves constantly of our shortcomings??? Why do some of us IDENTIFY with guilt and carry it like a badge? Like the guilt alone makes us better??  That is NOT what this journey on earth is all about! Back to those three words of Repentance- Hope-Mortality..... We can recognize the error in our ways, but that whole HOPE thing exists to remind us that we DO NOT HAVE TO CARRY OUR GUILT. Guilt is counterproductive and selfish! All guilt does is eat us up inside and prevent us from moving fully forward. Feeling guilty for being impatient with my daughter does not solve anything. Even speaking more kindly to her and having more patience with her is not really authentic if that undertone of guilt is still there. We need to use our time on earth wisely. Feel bad, be sorry, but then you know what? Let it go. Move on. Focus on the love and the positive and revel in your ability to be better. Say I'm sorry and then don't relive your mistakes over and over again. Recognize that we are human, we are not perfect, and each moment is an opportunity to start fresh.

What are you feeling heavy with guilt over? And how would you show up today if you could feel a little bit lighter in your soul? 

Sending you so much love,

Elsa

PS- I've mentioned perhaps a time or two that 2018 was a transformative year for me. As such, I've felt like my website and my messaging wasn't quite aligned with where I'm at- so they're undergoing a transformation of their own! It's been an exciting process where I've had to dig deep, but as it's all getting pieced together, I can say it's truly been a labour of love that I can't WAIT to share with you! We're just over a week away from the big reveal, so keep your eyes peeled on Facebook and on Instagram to stay in the loop!